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i loveeeeeeee today. even past all the bullshit that's happened, it's a great day. eva's gotta get out of class soon and then we're going to see the new Nightmare On Elm Street and have dinner. it's gunna be lonely here on campus all alone but it's the last weekend i EVER HAVE TO BE HERE. love that. 2 weeks from today, i hope to have the picture drawn above tattooed on me. or at least some version of it. and without the lettering. i really want my ribs tattooed but i know something will happen and i'll get it somewhere else. bamboozle is this weekend and though i'm not going, i'm only regretting 2 things: not meeting Liz Lee and not seeing Something Corporate. hopefully catherine will call me during the set and i can hear them play.. xo.

edit: i look at pictures of him and think he's the most gorgeous person in the world. everything i could ever want. nothing can compare. but then i look at myself. hugely fat stomach, red all over my face, small breasts, always the wrong hair. what does he see in me at all. after all this time? what attracts him to me? i'll never understand it when he's surrounded by any girl he could ever want, and he's with me. i guess that's why i feel hopelessly left out when i'm not around him. i don't know what's going on and it's like everyone's hiding some secret. like i said before, this is the last weekend i'll have to be by myself. it's going to feel like the longest, most painful 2 days of my life. and i'll doubt every second of those 2 days and wonder what he's doing and what he's thinking about. thinking of how to get away? i'll never know.