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sketchbook timeee. i'm starting to really put time into this. maybe later tonight after senior project meeting and all=[ i really hate that i have to go walking around campus at night after not doing anything all day. maybe it'll be a worthwhile meeting for once.

when other people need or want something anymore, i'm not going to be there. whenever i ask someone to go somewhere or do something with me, their shit is always more important. i actually rather be around people when i need to go shopping or into town or even studying when its nothing serious. i'm there for people when they need to talk and i help them until their problems are solved. but when i need someone to talk to, they're always busy, or sleeping or seem as if they couldn't care. i want to be able to ask for favors and not seem as if i'm bothering them by being alive. i need some genuine people in my life who are good friends because i'm starting to think those kind of people don't exist. it's also exhausting trying to make a livable situation here. i try and talk to them but i just get ignored like i'm not supposed to be there. i want to sit them down and explain what's going on in my life that keeps me to myself but its the same question-would they even care or think it's pathetic? i really don't want to feel this way but its hard when there's no one supportive around. and this whole losing weight thing i'm beginning to give up on. i've gone to the gym, a week straight today, for at least 2 hours a day. i'm eating pretty well..no more than 1,000 calories a day and drinking a lot of water and no snacks. so then why did i gain weight yesterday? i just don't understand. i want something good to happen soon because i really need it. xo.

edit: how can one girl be so mean it makes me cry? i can't live like this for another 4 months, i just can't.