104

maybe no boyfriend is better than one that makes you cry. i think i need a break or something needs to change soon. it's been three years, not three weeks. i don't even see a difference anymore. i'm happy but i'd like to know i'm always in his thoughts and that i'm always important to him. if i knew i was part of his decision making process, i wouldn't care what he did or who he hung out with. but because i need to read facebook to know what's going on, there's a clear problem in that. i feel like i'm an embarrassment to him. the ugly, secret girlfriend. i haven't met any of his friends from school and i doubt they even know about me. he is a huge part of my life and my friends know him even if they never met him. it's frustrating how much room i make for him in my life and how little a part i am in his. xo.

103

i have 30 days to lose as much weight as i can. i'm already eating better since i'm not at home eating what we're cooking at mike's house. went to the gym yesterday and today and i've had a lot more energy, obviously. i just wish that once one thing goes well, everything else follows but it seems the opposite. haven't heard from you all day after something that was your fault happened and it still bothers me that you feel it's not a big deal and that you aren't wrong. it hurts me that you don't know details about me. the same details that i memorized within weeks of knowing you. it shows a lack of commitment i've never seen in you until recently. i hope things change because it's getting tiring. xo.

102

gary michel and evan buksbaum at battle of the bands last night. it's bullshit that from the pawn didn't win and some shitty pop-punk band did. ftp deserves playing any show or festival they can and it sucks that judges couldn't look past whatever didn't make their decision on them. today, back at school with a lot to do..at least it'll be an interesting week and a half. xo.

101

this was awesome..michael kors sandals for $30 at macy's. i've gotten all my summer clothes (for now) with the 2 macy's giftcards i got for my birthday and it was all very well spent. xo.

100

last night made it a birthday to remember. my aunt handed me a heavy bag and i had no idea what was in it but near the end of dinner i opened it and it was a canon rebel, the camera i've wanted since it came out. a present has never made me cry but this one definitely did. i can't wait to do so much with this and take it with me everywhere. i still need to decide between lola and JM for its' name. xo.

99

went shopping..getting ready for my late birthday dinner. should be a good night. xo.

98

i love kat von d. xo.